In an unprecedented occurence earlier this week, three staff writers from the wotmania Weekly turned in their articles at or before editor Ngallagher's preferred deadline of Tuesday night, rather than waiting until the early hours of Thursday morning as has become the standard practice.

"It's amazing," Ngallagher said in a phone interview. "Some of you slackasses are actually doing what you're supposed to. If all of you get your act together, I might actually get to bed before dawn this week!"

A pleasant idea, but at what cost would Ngallagher's extra hours of sleep be purchased? What could possibly drive not one but three wW writers to such heights of productivity? An independent undercover investigation has revealed a startling possibility. E-mail records and NB taps suggest that the inhumanly productive staff writers might be just that--inhuman.

"The evidence is irrefutable," says primary investigator Obsidian Ashaman, who wishes to remain anonymous. "These three have been exchanging some very suspicious NBs. Just yesterday Edge sent one to the other two that said Phase One was complete."

"Phase One of what?" Edgecutioner asked when interviewed about the investigation. "The idea that any of us could be serving Overlord Chormander is patently ridiculous, fleshy human."

Imprecations of fleshiness aside, the extrawotmanian activities of the trio of writers have been undeniably suspicious. CrazedWeasel was observed visiting pawn shops, pharmacies, and grocery stores asking to buy "engine-grade protolium". Egewene Dreamwalker was briefly taken into custody by police for defacing a corn field.

"It was an art project," Egewene Dreamwalker said. "It's not my fault that you interpret it as a landing strip. It's clearly an expression of hope for the future and a flooded market for human slaves."

"We don't appreciate these accusations," Edgecutioner said in a statement issued from Devil's Mountain, which he referred to as "Staging Area Omega". "Further slander against us will result in harsh reprisals."

When asked if he was making a threat, Edgecutioner laughed. "We have no need of threats," he said. "Your feeble planet is--wait, I mean, our planet. Yes. Our feeble planet is doomed!"

Ashcroft Goes, Oil Flows, and HBO Blows.

This week's top story is the ongoing "Battle of Fallujah" in Iraq. The joint US/Iraqi attack on the insurgent stronghold began early this week with air strikes that were quickly followed up by a coordinated ground assault. Resistance has been less than expected with many small bands of guerillas being overwhelmed by superior forces. As of Tuesday night, 10 US troops and 2 members of the Iraqi forces have been killed. Some military commanders estimate that the US/Iraqi forces now control approximately one-third of the city. U.S. commanders have said the Fallujah invasion is the centerpiece of an attempt to secure insurgent-held areas so voting can be held in nationwide elections scheduled for January, 2005.

In other international news, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat is on the "brink of death" according to several sources. His condition worsened Monday after he suffered from a brain hemorrhage, causing him to sink deeper into a coma. Meanwhile, Palestinian leaders have made preparations for Arafat's death, deciding that he will be buried at the West Bank headquarters of the Palestinians in Ramallah. The Israeli government had previously nixed any plans for burying the former terrorist anywhere in the vicinity of Jerusalem.

Bowing to international pressure, the Sudanese government agreed to a ban on military flights over the Darfur region and has signed two peace deals with rebels in that region. After two weeks of talks in the Nigerian capital, the government dropped its opposition to the no-fly zone and signed agreements with rebels covering security and access for aid to Darfur, scene of what the United Nations has called the world's worst humanitarian crisis today.

In a move sure to please many who were upset over the outcome of recent US Presidential elections, Attorney General John Ashcroft has given his resignation from office to President Bush. Rumors of his resignation have been circulating for over a week, but were only confirmed recently. In fact, Mr. Ashcroft tendered his resignation to the President on the day of the elections last week. The letter was both composed and handwritten by the AG himself in an attempt to forestall any leaks. A portion of the letter reads: "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. The rule of law has been strengthened and upheld in the courts. Yet, I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration." Whether he is completely deserving of the opprobrium he has gained, many on the left and right who deplored Mr. Ashcroft's seeming disregard for personal and civil liberties will not be sad to see him go.

This first round of resignations also included that of Commerce Secretary Don Evans. Saying that he thought it was time to return home, Mr. Evans, one of President Bush's closest friends, wished the President well in his second term. These resignations aren't seen as anything out of the ordinary, as cabinets have often been changed when new terms of office begin. Speculation continues over who will be next to resign and centers over Secretary of State Colin Powell and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

With the elections over in the United States, a jittery stock market has rebounded to the tune of over 300 points, or 3% of value. And oil prices have fallen to a 7-week low of $47 a barrel. Despite some small effort by the Bush administration to claim credit for these two pieces of good news, most analysts agree that the stock market gain was mainly due to normal post-election relief. As for the price of oil, traders almost universally credit the increase in US gas and oil inventories.

In other business news, French drugmaker Sanofi-Aventis released data from a two-year study of their new diet drug Acomplia showing that it helped obese patients loose nearly four times as much weight as those taking a placebo, helped them keep it off, took inches off their waistlines and improved cholesterol problems. Reactions from doctors have been mixed. Many are wary of any new drugs of this kind after the "fen-phen" debacle of the 1990's. The company plans to file for approval with the FDA in the second quarter of 2005.

Someone who certainly doesn't need this drug is England socfootcerball captain David Beckham. What he could use is a dose of reality and a better agent. The popular sports star plans to kick off his acting career with a major role in a movie trilogy called "Goal!", about a player from LA who signs for British club Newcastle United. Mr. Beckham will be playing himself in all three parts of the trilogy. I honestly think I'd rather go see another Ben and Jennifer flick. Ugh.

Sadly, we end things with a report that HBO is preparing to bury its popular and critically-acclaimed series "Six Feet Under." The cable channel confirms that the upcoming fifth season of "Six Feet" will be its last. Series creator Alan Ball recently told HBO executives that he felt the show - revolving around the lives of a family that runs a mortuary - will have run out of creative steam by the end of the upcoming 12-episode season. But why worry about that when one can go see "Goal!"? Ugh, I said. Ugh.

That's it for now. Until next week, wotmaniacs, this has been LiterateDog, your Real Life™ correspondent: keeping track of events outside of wotmania so you don't have to.

[Wil]: Me?

[Nate]: Actually, yes.

[Wil]: Got it in one guess. Do I get a prize?

[Nate]: Sadly, no.

[Wil]: Oh.

[Wil]: That's not very nice.

[Nate]: :(

The Chat Repo Men have made another move against the chat populace. This time, they have filed paperwork to repossess the Chat Hot Tub due to low usage, and lacking documentation. They have filed the papers to repossess the much beloved fixture and recycle it into a large brick wall to be built around the even larger brick wall that surrounds Pento McGreno's fortress. Area wotmaniacs have been reacting to the news with shock, bewilderment and no shortage of bloody seething rage. This move has been decried as unfair and unjust, seeing as no wotmaniacs were aware of decline in use of the Chat Hot Tub and non-renewal of its certification as an Official Chat Landmark of Naughtiness and Suggestivity. There has been a flurry of activity among the Hot Tub's fans, but the Chat Repo Men have declared that the decision is all but made, and they could be removing the Chat Hot Tub as soon as the 11th.

According to the report signed by the head Repo Man, the Chat Hot Tub's use has sharply declined in recent months. The CRM refuses to comment on the reason for the drop in activity, but many suspect the heated political atmosphere has led many wotmaniacs that frequent chat to be occupied defending their silly little ideals. With the election over with and the state of chat beginning to stabilize, some of the playfulness is slowly returning, particularly the in Flirty District. Though used sporadically, cyber-cobwebs have begun to appear on the lesser used buttons, and upkeep is visibly lacking. The Jell-o tanks were refilled two weeks ago after going for five months without being checked.

The CRM have cited these facts in their report, and use them to defend their actions, but many wotmaniacs doubt the honesty of these claims. The CRM have been accused of repossessing chat amenities for less than benevolent reasons before.  There is the time they repossessed the Chat Mechanical Bull, claiming that a newbie had been seriously injured on it. The CRM were fined when they failed to divulge the newbie's name and file the accident report to those wackos that do things with various boring reports. They were also fined for unauthorized removal of the Chat Library of Unusually Large and Musty Comic Books. Wotmaniacs are still talking about the ongoing investigation of the mysterious 2003 disappearance of the big, cool, fun thing from Larry's pocket.

One outraged citizen, whose name could not be assertained from his phlegmy shouting, was clearly irate about the CRM's latest move. "God flippin'zarm muggers!  Blasted smoochers be takin' me whoozits whenzy nuts eh? Hmph. Idly dowdy they meany to hill pus nominal [expletive deleted] fuzz! Gradsmachin' flagpole sittin' flippertonners! [Expletive deleted] bastards and they [expletive deleted] hoops! Garsh non tippy [expletive deleted?] Hot Tub!"  The man then spat, and began to pan for gold in a nearby crick. Another concerned wotmaniac, Danu voiced doubts as to the safety of anything in chat. She told me that, "If [the CRM] keep on taking things just because they aren't useful, what is going to happen the chatter themselves? If we are no longer free to do nothing, then how long before we're removed from chat so we can't do the nothing that we are used to doing? If only a burly superhero type would save me. And by me, I mean me and a few select other guys from chat. Oh, and maybe an admin. Maybe."

There still may be a chance that the Chat Admins could exert some actual effort and do something about it. It is thought they may pool together their mighty reserves of B.S. to counteract all the things that the CRM have written down and sent to somewhere.  They will need to act quickly to save the Chat Hot Tub, so, to be totally frank, we're screwed. But since anyone could simply create another Chat Hot Tub by simply implying that there is one in chat, one is left to wonder why in the name of all things bubbly I even bothered to write this article about its repossession and waste your precious time. But by the same token, one must also question the existence of the CRM if they question my credibility. So anyone who is considering investigating my sources, they will first have to talk to the CRM. And they live on top of a huge mountain. With ice. And fire. And snakes, lots of slithery snakes. And those are scary.

Since my sources are clearly infallible, I would advise only one course of action for those wishing to save the Chat Hot Tub. Log in to chat, and start some Hot, Hot Hot Tub Action! If you have any civic pride as a wotmaniac, dive into the steamy waters, and convince all of your friends to join you in their sexiest attire for a Massive Chat Hot Tub Par-tay! If you refuse, then the vanishing of the Chat Hot Tub will be all your fault, and everyone will know it. So go and fulfill your Steamy, Hot, Sexy Chat Hot Tub Duties!

Welcome, welcome, welcome, boys and girls, to the show itself. This is Everything according to your Mr. Everything and boy do we have ... not what I promised for you last week. I know, I know I promised a longer and brand spanking new style of column for you, but this has been a week of all weeks and to be honest its a miracle I got this thing done at all. Between breaking my knee open on a sidewalk, my best friend in the hospital, and petitioning unsuccesfully for the ice cream man to come to my neighborhood year round, its been a hectic week. But you know, nothing heals all wounds like the news, so that brings us irrevocably back to the reason why we're here. Let's get to it, eh?

Oh, and first allow me to do something completely unprofessional. Let me give a shout out to all my Aes Sedai, Mat Girl and Patterweaver in particular. The community doesn't see enough of you guys. There, okay I'm done. Being a newspaper writer has its perks, eh? And one quick community note, even though it's not really my area, the 3rd Annual Masquerade Ball is coming up soon, as organized by yours truly and the lovely Monique (patternweaver). No theme is set in stone yet, but if you have any ideas for what you think might be a good one, noteboard she or I, because we'd love to here them. All right, NOW we'll get on with the news. And, we're off!

We have a winner! Well, winners plural actually. If you took your Mr. Everything's advice and voted in the 2004 Wheel of Time Awards, the winners have been announced, and the various awards handed out. What do we think are the best and worst aspects of both WoT and the WoT Board? Well, don't ask me! There were a lot of bloody categories! Have some respect for the people who have to fit this whole thing on one page as it is! So follow the link and make a webmaster happy today. Oh, and don't forget to thank Dodge and the vote counters if you get a chance--it's people with dedication like this that make cool community things like the WoT Awards possible.

For all of you folks out there who froth at the mouth to learn more about the Wheel of Time universe, Robert Jordan has answered a bunch of reader questions for the TOR website, most of which Paetram has been nice enough to condense into a post. As usual with anything the Man says, it has stirred some debate, especially about quite possibly the dumbest question ever asked to an author in my recollection. Who would he want to have tea with? Do people really send in questions like that? Bloody hell. Anyway, check it out, its good like syrup on french fries. And that's pretty dang good.

While we're on the topic of the Wheel of Time, in case you missed it, it has been announced by TOR and Robert Jordan that the 12th book in the series (not this upcoming one, relax) is going to be the final one. Finally bringing to an end the speculation that this thing might bloody well last forever.

A graphic novel version of New Spring is in the works and is coming up soon, and a few preview character sketches have been released. So if you want to see what the people in your imagination are really supposed to look like, go for it.

Also going on in the WoT section the site, is a new FAQ, contributed by none other than the apparently tireless linda_sedai, the topic being real world paralells with the Ogier. Go get your learn on!

Over on our ever-intresting and lively Games Board, Halo 2 is the topic of much discussion, as expected, as it released to much hype and appeal November 9th. In fact, so overwhelming were the discussions about it, that §ol attempted to condense them all into one thread. This tactic (which is pretty much standard issue admin work, and is something regularly done across all of the board. The election, book discussions, etc.) was apparently met with unexpected hostility, however, and §ol rescinded the announcement post in a rather bitter fashion. You can follow the link to check out the post for yourself, but on a personal note, I wish you guys wouldn't get overly negative and aggressive with the guy when things like this happen. He's the Games Board admin and he's just doing his job. That being said, Halo 2 threads now have free reign on the board at the moment, and it is as moderately chaotic as it ever gets there. The horror!

That's pretty much all that's going on in the games world right now, aside from the drool over the new World of Warcraft beta that is flooding the place at present, but expect more intrest and things to pick up as it moves closer to the holidays, which is when people tend to get new games the most.

The Writer's message board has been quiet this past week, even more so than usual, with no major items of note. I find myself hoping that maybe I can spur at least some intrest in that direction. There was a time when the Writer's Pad first came about when this site was awash with writer's just dying to show off their work, and now that we have a board, it's about the most neglected thing since the RPG Board. Honestly, I'm as guilty of neglecting it as anyone, though I do make a point to go there and read other people's work each week, but c'mon people. Break out of your one board or chat routine and give it a chance. I promise, some of it will be good enough to make you glad you did.

And speaking of which:

Edge's Spotlight On Writer's For the Week:
Coltaines 7th's Superman

Now on to the OF Board. Another book discussion is up, and this time I thought that just in case you really wanted to particpate and maybe haven't yet because you weren't sure it was really your thing, I'll let Dylanfantaic sell it for me by stealing the words right out of his mouth. This particular discussion is for the book The Darkness That Comes Before by R. Scott Bakker.

"Scott Bakker's first book in the Prince of Nothing trilogy, The Darkness That Comes Before has garnered critical and popular praise since its release in Spring 2003 and its American release this past June. From positive mentions in Locus, Amazon.ca, SF Site, and other publications both print and electronic, The Darkness That Comes Before has become one of the more mentioned books here at OF over the past six months. Now in a Book Club discussion, we're aiming to explore a veritable plethora (yes, I just wanted to add a second gratuitous use of plethora in a sentence here in this parenthetical aside) of possibilities, from the characters, the descriptions, Bakker's comments on religion, philosophy, and all sorts in-between, not to mention what the very title of this book might possibly mean."
Dylanfanatic

And in news for everyone who has been waiting eagerly for the concluding episode to the Star Wars series, the trailer was finally released to the public. Or rather A trailer, because the movie isn't set for release until May of next year. But good luck tracking it down because, in the words of TaskmasterJack, "LucasFilm is cracking down like Serpico", and your reporter can attest to that. This is where I finally got ahold of it.

A few miscellaneous items for your week:

Three new Q&As are up. Interviews with DarkMatter, Hochopepa, and our very own W! Weekly editor himself, ngallagher.

Your WSE points leader and gainer for the week:
Draggie with 143,657.07
Lotesse with +777.45

All right guys, that's the news for this week. Thanks for reading it, and remember, if it's not sexy, why bother?

Spiderman 2 (2004)

Well friends, here I am again. Do not fear, for mapthis should be back next week, and you'll not hear from me again. Of course, as the official back-up writer for the Wotmania Weekly, you could always see me popping in again in who-knows-what column. You've been properly warned. ;)

Well, this week I have chosen to review Spiderman 2, as it will be making its way to DVD at the end of this month. I also have to point out here that I have an extreme bias with this review, as I have a peculiar obsession with the idea of SUPER POWERS!

On to the review...

Spiderman 2, the sequel to the first Spiderman (2002) movie (my, that was an obvious statement), is an action-packed movie based off the Marvel comic books. Toby Maguire returns as Peter Parker/Spiderman, as well as Kirsten Dunst playing "the girl next door" Mary Jane Watson, and James Fraco as the bitter Harry Osbourn. Alfred Molina takes on the role of Dr. Octavious, or the super villan "Doc Oc."

Let's start with Toby Maguire, shall we? Maguire does an excellent job playing the down-on-his-luck superhero fighting to hold down a job, keep up with his classes and maintain friendships lying in precarious postitions. He does a good job of transitioning between the two personas, and carrying out the wide range of action and drama this movie requires.

Doc Oc (Molina) is also very well-casted. Molina magically captures the role of the brilliant dreamer found in the character of Dr. Octavious. Franco, playing Harry Osborne, does not give quite the convincing performance seen by Molina, but he still does well. Some of the outbursts from Franco seem, perhaps, a bit over the top, but in general he does a great job.

Kirsten Dunst does a fine job as MJ, despite some cheesy writing.

The effects in this movie are fun and exciting. The direction sticks to the "comic book" feel, which is wonderful to Super-Power Obsessed (SPO) individuals such as myself. The writing, though sometimes overly sentimental, is a good fit for this type of film.

All in all, this is one of my top 5 favorite movies (which is, of course, why I chose to review it). Keep your eyes peeled for its DVD/VHS release, or pre-order it now from amazon.com.