Authorities are searching today for CNRedDragon, head journalist of the wotmania Weekly, after his abrupt disappearance two days ago.

"I don't know what the deal is," said Ngallagher, editor and Chief Dictator, in an interview Wednesday morning. "I was talking to him yesterday afternoon, and I reminded him that his article was due, and he didn't say anything back. Like, ever. I haven't heard from him since."

Prompted by Nate's persistent requests for action, the police visited CNRedDragon's home, which they found abandoned. The officer in charge of the scene reported that there was still a plate with three slices of pizza sitting on the table, as if CNRedDragon had left in a hurry, or perhaps hadn't been able to eat anymore. "It's the damndest thing," the officer said. "All his clothes are still here. No signs of a struggle. Nothing missing. He just took off."

Several suspects were brought in for questioning Tuesday night, many of whom are famously antagonistic towards CNRedDragon as a result of his aggressive gift-giving policy. "I don't know where he went," Obsidian Ashaman said. "If I'd done something to him, you can bet I'd be bragging about it."

Although there are officially no theories in the case, a few sources outside the police department are claiming to have concrete leads.

"I got a call from him at three in the morning on Monday," said an informant who identified himself as D. Throat. "He was crying. Kept saying that he had no idea what he was going to do for the article this week, and that if he didn't write a good one, Nate was going to beat him up again. I left the phone off the hook while I went to get a drink, and when I came back, he'd hung up."

The idea that CNRedDragon fled his life in desperation over acute writer's block is not as crazy as it might sound. Sources inside the police department have stated that a piece of paper was found crumpled beside his trashcan, with a number of crossed-out items written on it that seem to be ideas for wotmania Weekly articles. The sources say that the ideas include things like "Christmas set to fall on December 25 for 2004th year in a row" and "What's the deal with Mapthis?"

Some people have ideas that rank a bit lower on the scale of investigation. "He went home," Eldered said, pointing at the sky. "That beautiful angel went home." After his comments, Eldered was briefly taken into custody, but only until it became apparent that he was talking about Mars rather than Heaven.

At the time of the writing of this article, the hunt for CNRedDragon continues. Anyone with information regarding his location is urged to NB Obsidian Ashaman, who is leading a grass-roots search for the missing journalist.

"Oh, yeah," OA says, "I'm looking for him. That bastard had better hope the police find him before I do."

LiterateDog's Gone, No Snow On The Lawn, Nate's A Prawn

The trouble with me writing about real world events is that (haha) I don't normally pay them much attention. My life exists in a classroom and in the space between my bed and my computer, because that's all I really have time for lately. I tend not to turn the news on. However, right now, just for you, I'm going to pop it onto CNN Headline News and write down the news as it happens. This is groundbreaking stuff, folks.

Value of Sears and K-Mart stock jumped today at news that the two retail chains will merge! Hooray! Homemade bombs in Buenos Aires banks. Bummer. Those bombs, you know, get you ever time. Something about Peterson Penalty case. Big Dig highway six years ago? Yeah, I mean, what was up with that? Silly digs. A stream in San Antonio rose eleven feet in two hours and killed a woman, which is pretty damn scary. Government can seek $280 billion in damages from tobacco companies or something. Good. I hope they choke on their money.

Commercial. This is harder than it should be. How does LiterateDog do it? I really don't know. Possibly he doesn't do it in ten minutes in a stream of consciousness that doesn't make much sense. This commercial has a gecko doing the robot dance. Dude, that was pretty cool. Normally I don't like commercials much. Not too many of them are funny. But the gecko. Man. That was a cool gecko. Dammit, here comes the news again.

Putin in Russia is developing a new nuclear missile program. Bush is nominating a new Education Secretary. No Child Left Behind! Ohio election officials reviewing provisional ballots for some reason. Clinton's library? Replica of the oval office? $800 billion increase in federal debt limit? $800 billion? What the ... does that much money exist? Are those just big numbers that governments throw around and keep in electronic form? That's just scary. Now they're talking about Kerry back in the senate again. This news is so American.

~changes the channel~

CTV headline news. Canadian, baby. Mmm. It's looking kind of balmy in Toronto, for the season. Vancouver has an odour bylaw, which sounds odd. Jack Layton introduces a motion to restrict trans fats. Sports update! Toronto Raptors are sucking, but really, is that anything new? This is a Canadian basketball team. That's like an Antarctic bocci team. Can you play bocci on ice? Did I even spell bocci right? Mysteeeerious. ~waggles fingers~

Virgin Mary grilled cheese. Yeah.

I'm done.

That's it for now. Until next week, wotmaniacs, this has been LiterateNate, your Real Life™ correspondent: keeping track of events outside of wotmania so you don't have to.

As any community will, Wotmania has the occasional squabble; bouts of name-calling, bashing, or flaming natural to most any online community, but especially at home on a site as diverse as our own. While most of these conflicts remain small, they can, and inevitably will escalate into wars where someone is bound to be offended. This is only natural, and has happened on more than one occasion in the history our site.

The site has grown over the past six years, and has changed its look almost as many times. Even as the site changed, so did the people who frequented it. When I joined about four and a half years ago, people flamed on general principle, as a contest, or just cause they happened to feel like it. Brutal? At times. But the purpose of flaming at Wotmania has never changed, only the reaction it receives. For a time, flaming was an art, a contest of wits, but gradual changed into something nearly taboo. This is not to say that no one here does it any longer, because it is obviously going strong.

Many will probably recall the last major Flame War, between two more or less disregarded groups. It lasted a week or more in its worst forms, with many going as far as suggesting kicking some members off the site. Mostly with the creation of a new Message Board, and the slow realization that sooner or later the ancient class system of Elder-domination would have to end, the conflict died down, but not without leaving a sour taste in the mouths of many wotmaniacs.

The fact that the latest spat was diffused with an essay about waffles says a lot about how the community has changed lately with the massive influx of people in the last year or two. In the past, on at least two occasions this sort of thing has escalated into vicious wars that have ultimately hurt the great community, or near family that we have here. The fact that many kept level heads, or just resorted to play (deliciously fun) games, speaks a lot about the changes our community has taken.

Life goes on in WoT-town, thankfully still peaceful. This may be old news, but I'm a slacker, and it took some time to gather my meager thoughts. I hope I haven't turned this into a soapbox, because this is your paper. Since the site began, people have been taking jabs at each other, whether in jest or not, and it will continue until the servers lie broken and rusted under some Martian overlord's feet. But it can't stop our community from growing. A year ago, something like this may have snowballed into arguments about everything that is wrong in life and at the site, but the fact that everyone here responded with restraint and/or humor shows that while possibly inflammatory remarks may have not, the attitude of our community has matured into something that will not allow ourselves to be divided again.

Over the years Wotmania has changed, possibly even grown up, but that may be giving ourselves too much credit. But nonetheless, Wotmania has changed, and for the better. Some might wish for the sweet days of yesteryear, but as for me, I like my Wotmania just as it is. With plenty of maple syrup.

Meteoroligists, vulcanologists, climatologists, empathologists, cosmotologicologists, pneumatophonologists, polynumerosourcestinologists, and four out of five dentists agree that this year, Christmas will once again fall on December 25th, keeping the record streak going. Some people, so confident in the veracity of this information, have already begun putting up Christmas lights and decorations, such as those little dancing Santas that most people must really have to resist kicking. Ho ho ho, motherf -

"It's really been an amazing streak," said chorabliss in an exclusive interview. "There haven't been this many December 25th Christmases is a row since the early days of the Egyptian pharoahs."

However, there are some who disagree.

"Those fancy scientists," said Manusho on Tuesday, rolling his eyes. "They think they know everything. They think their numbers and schematics and thingamadoods can predict something as magical as Christmas? Ell Oh Ell, man. Christmas isn't about predictability, even when you know your grandma got you socks for the seventeenth year in a row because you can feel the package. Christmas is about eggnog and mistletoe and talking reindeer and presents. And if I want to celebrate Christmas on the 24th and break this vicious cycle, why, no one can stop me? You hear that? No one."

At this point, chorabliss bludgeoned Manusho with a large roll of roofing, and left him for dead.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good - Zzzzz.

I have to be honest, this week is one of shame for this particular end of the Wotmania Weekly staff. I dug, I prodded, I trampled numerous newbies and subjected elders to interogation techniques that could only be described as sadistic, and yet, what I have here for you is a short, shoooort column this week. There just wasn't much of newsworthy quality going on this week, and I guess that happens. I even waited until the very, very edge [Editor's Note: intentional pun?] of my deadline to turn this in, just in case something came up. If this happens again, rest assured, I will turn this column into a tabloid. Just you watch.

Its been a sloooooooow week over at the WoT Board as far as newsworthiness goes. So slow in fact that I really don't have much to report on. What I can offer though is what I consider to be one of the more intriguing and well reasoned theories i've heard in a very long time. This one is a theory on which one of the Forsaken Taim is, and I think you'll be more than a little surprised by Diomedes' choice for it. Seriously, give it a read, Taimandred this is not, I assure you.

I feel a little guilty for not having anything else to offer for that section, but I can only work with what you guys give me. If you want something you did in my column, by all means speak up and let me know, it would make it a lot easier for me to dig through the things that are noteworthy for the week. Just keep that in mind.

Over on the Games Board, near orgasmic glee is spilling (not literally, or so we hope) over all over the place as the streak of incredible games just keeps coming. With regulars gushing over such titles as Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Halo 2, Half-Life 2, and World of Warcraft, you'd think it were already Christmas, to listen to them talk. Cymbaline especially apparently loves WoW, and who are we to deny him his uncharacteristic glee?

Back on the Writer's Board Raserei has made it known that his super mysterious project submission project has an absolute deadline of November 29th. Personally I have no idea what this whole bloody thing is about, but I do know that the opportunity to have your work published is the reward, so if you haven't already, noteboard Ras today and find out more details, or go to his announcement post on the Writer's Board. At least go check it out just to see one of the few posts ever edited by the rarely seen, but honorable admin Optimus Prime.

Edge's Spotlight On Writer's For the Week:
The newly returned Clover's The Music Is My Mother

Over on the OF Board things were equally slow this week newswise. I swear, its like every board conspired against me to give me nothing to write about! One thing of definite note though is that Dylanfanatic has sounded the horn that signifies that the OF Awards are coming, and quite soon at that. He's already listed the categories, and is looking for suggestions of some new ones. If there's anything book related, or even OF Board related you'd like to give an award to, then bloody well suggest it.

As usual, 3 new Q&As this week from the ever hard-working Kitara. This week we've got Bobsledai, Homsar, and Sassy463

Your WSE points leader for the week:
Draggie - 143,678.69

Well, that's about it for the news this week, boys and girls, thanks for reading and supporting it (I've gotten a lot of great emails, and you guys know who you are. You make it worth it). And remember, if it isn't sexy, why bother?

Three Amigos! (1986)

Synopsis: Three out of work silent movie actors are accidentally drawn to a Mexican village that is being harassed by a gang of outlaws. The three, 'Ned', 'Lucky Day' and 'Dusty Bottoms' play 'Lone Ranger' types in their movies, but must play their parts for real now.

Starring: Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short, et al.

There are two kinds of funny in this crazy world of ours: really smart, and really dumb. Everything in between those two just leads to quiet, awkward moments where everyone looks around desperately for something to kick start the conversation again. There is no in between in this movie. Every silly joke leaves me giggling loudly, and yes, I'm a grown man. And there are plenty of jokes and funny scenes in the movie that leave me saying to myself, "You, Mr. 'this', are a loser for not being able to think of things that clever.' I'm so tough on myself, that the U.N. is looking into me for human rights violations.

At one time in my life, I had this entire movie memorized, songs and all. One Summer, it seemed like HBO showed it every other day, and I watched it almost every time, instead of socializing with other children. Once again, I'm a loser.

The names of the main characters alone are awesome: Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, and Dusty Bottoms. In fact, I think I saw someone named Dusty Bottoms "dancing' in Las Vegas once. The Villain is named "El Guapo', and I believe that means "The Lady's Man'. Granted, I took Spanish during a Summer semester, so everything I learned kind of mushed together into a varied form of "Spanglish" with some French I learned in high school. For all I know, El Guapo means, "The Guapo'.

Some quotes I enjoy (many of which are out of context, but you'll have to trust me that they are funny):

Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!

Mr. Flugelman: Do you know what "nada" means?
Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?

El Guapo: Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: Yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?

Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.
Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine. (I pretty much snort with laughter every time I hear this one)

Lucky Day: I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us!

Ned Nederlander: Sew, old woman, sew! Like the wind!

Dusty Bottoms: Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?

Great Scenes:
-shooting the Invisible Swordsman
-the Three Amigos singing around the campfire
-Lucky trying to get out of his chains
-singing in the saloon

The other thing I love about this movie is its universality (yes, that is a word). Even if someone hasn't seen the movie since the 1980s, 99% of the people you ask know the Amigo Salute.

*slaps left shoulder*
*slaps right shoulder*
*puts right hand on hip*
*puts left hand on hip*
*pelvic thrust*"Huh!"

Rent it or buy it today, and you'll be glad you did.